Marriage and it’s traivals

By Dapo Thomas

The period of courtship is an external affair but marriage is an internal affair. In the process of living together as a couple, some hidden habits and idiocies that never manifested during courtship become an issue. The two of them, rather than stay in love and see the first phase of their marriage as time of integration and adaptation, will not do that. Most times, their egos and pride overwhelm them and blind them to the realities of compromise. If a wife and a husband find it difficult to leverage on concessions, what then is the prospect of understanding in that kind of relationship? I must let you know that the first phase of marital copulation is the most tendentious and disagreeable period in the life of a couple. The first phase may take 3 to 4 years as a process but once that phase is over, the process transits to consolidation and stability which is phase two. Most marriages crash in the first phase because it is the period when conflicts and tension become an epidemic with the couple reaching the point of bellicose fragility which most people call irreconcilable differences. You will observe that the reason given for most of the divorces happening during this phase is always “irreconcilable differences”. Like I said earlier, this phase encompasses the most complex silicon in the life of the couple. When a man or a woman going through this phase considers divorce at this stage, it is because his/her capacity for enduring the troublesomeness and irritability of the other partner has gotten to a very sensitive point of his/her anatomy. Irreconcilable differences simply means breakdown not only in communication but also in negotiations. If a couple fails to survive this phase, it is bye bye marriage. But if they can scale through it, it is welcome to phase two. What is in phase two? This is the period when the oath of marriage becomes applicable. It is in this phase that you have accusations like “cheating on me”, ” adultery”, ” infidelity” and all manner of lubricious incantations. Paradoxically, this is also the phase of consolidation and stability. Surviving this phase is dependent on the dexterity of both husband and wife in bargaining and negotiation. Though, overcoming this phase also entails some confidence and trust enhancement or facilitation, the most important elements required are love and sincerity. If the love and trust between the two are very strong, overcoming this phase will be as easy as dodo. When love exists between two people, they need no third party to reconcile them. They resolve their disagreements and misunderstanding with felicitous giggling and tickling that may end on their bed of blitz.
The third phase is the POLYGAMOUS PHASE. In this phase, only GOD and love can make the couple to overcome it. It is during this phase that a “stranger” has crept into their lives. So, both of them either accommodate the “stranger”, cooperate with the “stranger” or dissociate the “stranger” from their lives. Most times, the final decision on this is always made by the husband who brought in the woman who the wife sees as a complete “stranger”. They both need to make things work one way or the other. There is nothing that can work if people are not ready to make it work. A marriage can only succeed if the husband and the wife are ready to make sacrifices for the atonement and attainment of peace.
Finally, most marriages break down completely and irretrievably because both parties never loved themselves Or they never knew what marriage is before contracting it. Marriage is an exciting ghost that troubles husband and wife who are naive to see its hand in the tension that brews between them with consistent funfare. The intriguing thing about marriage is that there is no guarantee that it cannot break down at any point irrespective of the number of years the couple had invested in it. A marriage of 30, 40, 50 years can break down if the husband and the wife relapse into infantile indulgence.