By Mujidat Oyewole, News Agency of Nigeria (NAN)
Zainab AbdulRauf, a 30-year-old working-class wife, says she always feels sad whenever festive periods such as Eid celebrations approach.
According to her, the first thing that comes to her mind during celebrations is the heavy workload she faces at her in-laws’ house.
She said this often leaves her with little or no time to rest or enjoy the festivities.
By nightfall, AbdulRauf said, she is usually exhausted and retires to bed after a long and demanding day.
The pressure, she explained, often comes not from her husband directly, but from members of his extended family.
In many Nigerian homes, a wife’s responsibilities extend beyond her relationship with her husband and are often tied to respect for elders, cooperation and maintaining family harmony.
African elders often argue that a wife should handle household chores and prepare meals for guests, especially during festive periods when visitors are numerous.
However, modern perspectives increasingly emphasise setting healthy boundaries, sharing domestic responsibilities and fostering mutual respect within the family.
According to a 2025 study titled “In-Law Interference and Emotional Stability of Married Women in Kwara State, Nigeria,” interference from in-laws can contribute to stress, marital dissatisfaction and emotional instability among married women.
The study, which surveyed 403 married women, recommended counselling, healthy boundaries and improved communication between couples and extended family members.
Also Read:Intimate Affairs: Japa, marriage, sex and money, by Funke Egbemode
Intimate Affairs: Soft life, hard ends,
Similarly, research on married career women in Nigeria found that psychological distress, family conflict and lack of social support significantly affect women’s psychological wellbeing and marital satisfaction.
Another Nigerian study on marital health among couples in Ogun also linked stress and poor conflict resolution with declining marital satisfaction and family wellbeing.
In the same vein, broader studies on women’s mental health in marriage in Nigeria associated emotional abuse and family pressure with anxiety, emotional distress and other mental health challenges among married women.
Some women on social media have also expressed preference for spending festive periods with their own families rather than with their in-laws, citing pressure, disagreements, harassment and broader family tensions.
Many of them, however, believe that the solution largely rests with the husband, arguing that he has a responsibility to support his wife while managing relationships with his relatives to ensure harmony within the family.
Studies have shown that conflicts between wives and in-laws can destabilise marriages and negatively affect the emotional well-being of everyone involved.
Experts say such tensions can lead to divided loyalties, reduced couple autonomy, marital strain and, in some cases, an increased risk of divorce.
Additionally, psychologists say the emotional effects, including anxiety, depression, diminished self-esteem and social isolation, can further worsen the situation.
Reflecting on her upbringing, AbdulRauf said that as the only daughter in her family, she grew up helping her mother with cooking and cleaning while constantly being reminded of the responsibilities awaiting her in marriage.
“My father is the first male child of his mother and has three younger step-brothers, an older sister and seven younger step-sisters from three step-mothers.
“My mother accommodated three brothers-in-law for 15 years and endured different challenges, humiliation and family conflicts,” she said.
AbdulRauf narrated her experience emotionally, with red eyes, saying that her mother constantly shared stories of disagreements and tensions with in-laws, which she endured for the sake of her children.
She added that whenever she complained to her husband about the workload and humiliation, he would respond: “Is it my mother that will do all the work by herself? Are you not a housewife?”
Speaking on the issue, Mr Uthman Aluko, an Area Court Judge in the Kwara State Judiciary, said that wives should see their in-laws as part of their family and treat them with respect.
According to Aluko, patience, tolerance and understanding are necessary in maintaining harmony within the home.
“When a woman marries, she should approach family responsibilities with maturity and understanding, even when she feels uncomfortable or unfairly treated,” he said.
Aluko added that frequent complaints about in-laws could sometimes create tension between husbands and their parents, thereby affecting family relationships.
Similarly, Hajiya Balikis Oladimeji, Amirah of the Federation of Muslim Women Association of Nigeria (FOMWAN), Kwara Chapter, said that husbands should act as protectors and supporters of their wives.
Oladimeji noted that economic realities now compel many women to work and contribute financially to their homes while still being expected to fulfil traditional domestic responsibilities.
According to her, this often places enormous physical and emotional pressure on women, especially during festive periods.
Oladimeji urged wives to remain patient and prayerful while encouraging husbands to mediate fairly between their wives and relatives.
She added that husbands should defend their wives respectfully when necessary and help maintain healthy relationships between both sides of the family.
However, some observers argued that changing social realities require a more balanced approach to family responsibilities.
Prof. Saudat AbdulBaqi, Dean, Faculty of Communication and Information Sciences, University of Ilorin, urged women to strive for balance between their careers and family responsibilities.
AbdulBaqi said women often face greater societal expectations than men and must work hard to overcome stereotypes that portray them as weaker or less capable.
“Women must continue to make the right choices, work hard and maintain balance within their homes, workplaces and relationships,” she said.
Also speaking, the General Manager of UNILORIN FM, Idris Alooma, popularly known as Elewi-kilokilo, said African culture places high value on family unity and respect for elders.
According to Alooma, in the past, women were mostly full-time housewives while men provided for the family, making domestic expectations different from what is obtainable today.
“Today, many women combine demanding careers with family responsibilities. A working-class wife who is already stressed can break down if subjected to excessive domestic pressure by in-laws,” he said.
Alooma said husbands should help their families understand that household chores should not be imposed on wives at the expense of their health or careers.
He also advised wives to maintain cordial relationships with their in-laws while encouraging financially capable husbands to hire domestic assistance during festive periods to reduce stress and avoid conflicts.
In the same light, Mr Demola Akinyemi, a veteran journalist with Vanguard Newspaper, said excessive domestic demands on wives should no longer be encouraged in modern society.
According to Akinyemi, mothers-in-law and relatives should not place unnecessary pressure on working-class wives who are already balancing career and family responsibilities.
“Husbands play a critical role in maintaining healthy relationships between their wives and relatives,” he said.
Akinyemi added that financially capable husbands should arrange support or domestic help during celebrations to reduce stress and prevent misunderstandings.
He further said that in-laws should treat their sons’ wives the same way they would want their daughters to be treated in their matrimonial homes.
Observers say that as changing social realities continue to reshape family life in Nigeria, maintaining harmony between wives and in-laws will require mutual respect, open communication, shared responsibilities and understanding from all parties involved. (NANFeatures)
