New Dawn Nigeria

If you still think sex is a gift women give men, it’s time to grow up

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Believe it or not, sex is such a big, big deal to us as humans. It may not be as necessary as water and food but it is up there in the rank of the most basic things we need as humans to function properly and enjoy a healthy life.

Outside the context of relationships and marriages, this is pretty true. And it is even more so when considered from those perspectives.

In relationships and marriages, sex plays such a huge part when it comes to staying together as a couple, and also has an effect on people being happy and being satisfied enough to want to remain with each other. Sex is a viable tool of bonding,  great and important method of deepening connections, enhancing romantic experiences and actually falling deeper in love with each other.

Sex is the highest form of intimacy [Credit – Mocha Moguls]

When two people are together and they love each other but do not have sex, or worse, do not have sexual feelings for each other, they might as well just be friends, really.

All these are truths about sex. They are well-known established truths about the impact of sex on romantic relationships.

While these are true, though, there are also some untruths about sex, and chief among these falsehoods, particularly as it pertains to this article, is the idea that sex is a gift that a woman gives to a man.

Sex is meant to be give and take! Everyone gives, everyone takes. [Credit – Weddding Digest Naija]

Sex is not a gift! Period!

If your opinion or knowledge of the act is in those lines, it is time to change your outlook and become more in tune with what the act stands for.

Sex is meant to be mutually enjoyed; both by men and women. It is not meant to be done just to please the man. It is not meant to be taken forcefully from someone who obviously does not want to give it. That, obviously, is rape. And it is surely not something a woman owes a man who has bought her nice things or treated her nicely. There is still an autonomy on the part of the man [or woman] to say no REGARDLESS of what you have done, said or agreed with them and when they say no, that has to be respected all the time –whether or not you are dating, and of course, whether or not you are married.

Sex is meant to be enjoyd by both parties at all times [Credit – Intimacy Moons]

Back to the most important message of this piece; one of the most propagated wrong messages on sex and sexuality is that women are to have low, responsive sex drive which only gets turned on at the initiating of the man. This narrative creates the illusion that men are supposed to always be the ones asking for sex and that women’s role in all of this is give it to them when they’ve been good husbands or good boyfriends… when they have been on their best behaviours.

But the truth is this; anyone can initiate sex. It is OK for women to like sex and actually ask their partners for it. And most importantly, sex is to be sought, performed and enjoyed by both parties.

Both men and woman should be comfortable seeking, giving and getting sex from each other. [Credit – Shutterstock]

Sex is not meant to be a weapon with which to punish your partner, or just a bargaining chip with which to always get what you want from your man.

“If you don’t give me so and so, no sex for you!”

Thinking of sex in this light of it being something you give as gift or at the request, plea of a man is not only unfair on your partner, it is unfair on you and the relationship as well!

Regardless of what your mum, dad, or religious organisation told you, when the time comes and you are mentally and physically prepared to go down that road, you should do so with the knowledge that no one is ‘giving’ sex as a fixed role, and no one is taking ‘sex’.

Both men and women are active participants, seeking and allowing each other find boundless pleasures in each other’s bodies.

There is no better way to think of sex than this.

By Yarns Mag
REPORT

Our Reporter

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